So, you've decided to blog...

Well, where to start?

I've toyed with the idea of a blog before and never really fancied it. I don't have the patience (or didn't have) to keep reporting back to one of these things. I've seen, read, enjoyed, hated and forgotten so many over the years and each time, I've thought "I could not be arsed with this". Well, clearly times are changing for me and well, when I think about it, they're changing a lot.

I'm finally growing up and, if I'm honest, it's scaring the life out of me and making me look at life as a whole in a completely different light.

In a week or so, I shall be leaving my family home. Now at 27, that seems pathetic but I will explain. I've worked at the same, safe, secure, comfortable, moderately paid, close to home, playhouse of a job since I was 17. To call it a job for say oh, about 5 years of that time would be ridiculous. Flexi time, going in late, on site bar with a tab, 2 hour lunches and a bunch of mates my age = the best job ever.

Over the last couple of years, I've adopted a hint of adulthood and responsibility and decided I needed to get into the role of a grown up. I applied for promotion, acted up, managed and all that has brought me to the point I'm at now. Three years ago, I decided to work away from home, paid for by the company, and so off I went to Rugby where I had, if I'm honest, the worst 6 months of working life I've ever had. I had to house share with 3 older blokes who were nice enough at times but throw in a dash of OCD and a sprinkle of ill feeling, you get a lovely depression cake which I seemed to take a big bite of.

At the end of my stint, I couldn't wait to get home for good (as I came home every weekend) and just get on the lash with the lads. In the time following this, my feelings on the gay scale changed and I realised what I was - I fancied lads more than girls and this terrified me.

I'm not going to go into too much detail on this matter at the moment but the outcome of this story is that I met for the first time someone who made me feel normal and truly happy for the first time.

The timings of these events in my life, in my opinion, have twice delayed the ageing process and left me in a Peter Pan phase for longer than most.

Only now that I have been with my other half for 2 1/2 years do I finally feel grown up enough to take the HUGE step to move out.


Being me though, I don't do things by halves. As well as just moving out, I'm moving job, moving town and leaving family and friends behind. It is this twist in my life that has made me look at everything differently. I'm sure people have heard that before and thought "yeah, bollocks", but I genuinely mean that.

Although I'm pretty rough and tumble as well as outspoken, I'm a mummy's boy and the thought of being a significant distance away from my Mum, makes me feel sick to the stomach.

This move is for the foreseeable future and missing out on spending time with possibly the most loving, unselfish, thoughtful, beautiful and funny person that is my Mum, crucifies me. I'm the youngest of 3 children, my brother and sister being 10 and 9 years older than me respectively.

I've always had the fear of losing my Mum, especially after my siblings having so much more time with her than I have. In a way I'm jealous of them for it but I know that's the way life goes. It's this matter though that's given me a different view on life in general - I've realised how short it really is. It's so cliché but so true.

I admit, my mind works in weird ways compared to others. This whole thing should be a massive, exciting new start but I can't stop this feeling of guilt at leaving my Mum. She's not on her own or anything, my Dad is here but it's how I'm feeling. Is this normal or is this really just me?

My Mum's excited for me and totally involved with helping us get all our stuff together for our first home and completely supports it. It's when I think of this that I get another spin on life. I think back to the stories of my Mum travelling and visiting Venice, seeing the world and having fun. She had an amazing time and doubt she would change any of it!

This last thought made me smile while typing - the simple thought of my Mum enjoying her life and smiling while doing it. It's this that's making me determined to push on with this plan and enjoy MY life and the new way I look at it. Yes, life is short. Yes, life is hard. Yes, life isn't perfect... But life IS what YOU make of it!

And one final quote from my Mum which alleviates all my worries "You can always come home ;)".